Reflection and Resolution

Yesterday, I had a conversation with seniors who are planning to study abroad in the U.S., and I learned a lot of important information. Since they are all pursuing graduate studies in engineering, I’m not sure if their advice is entirely applicable to my interest in more theoretical research, but it was still very helpful. Here are some key takeaways:

• The higher the ranking of the school, the less authority professors have over admissions decisions.
• Conversely, at lower-ranked schools with renowned faculty, professors have more discretion.
• To enhance your CV, you need to fill it with various activities; for me, “publications” are the only thing I have.
• You can prepare for English/GRE after submitting your papers to conferences, which you can include on your CV.

Moving abroad, leaving behind family and friends in Korea to pursue my dreams, requires a significant resolution. I was most curious about what motivated the seniors to decide to study abroad. One senior’s response was particularly memorable.

If someone offered me 10 billion won, would I refuse it? If someone offered me admission to MIT, would I decline it? If the answer is no, then the flame of my dream is still alive in my heart, and ignoring it for a lifetime would be the real pain, wouldn’t it?

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Lately, I’ve been frequently questioning whether life in the research lab suits me. However, the reason seems to stem more from my disappointment in people rather than a mismatch between my passion for academics and research. While I can overlook cases where colleagues neglect or are lazy in their duties, I can’t accept an environment where people work on projects listlessly, without understanding the purpose and direction of the research, simply to make a living. Researching in such an atmosphere makes me feel small and powerless, far from the image of myself I envisioned.

The same goes for my thoughts on my own value. When I first started, I wanted to focus on unlocking my potential and maximizing my value. However, looking at the work I’m assigned and how I’m evaluated, I can’t help but question my own abilities and potential. This reminds me of a recent conversation I had with an older colleague about “value.” Even a simple glass of water might cost 500 won at a convenience store but could be priced at 10,000 won at a luxury hotel or restaurant. Doesn’t it make sense to work in a place that truly understands and appreciates my value to maximize it? The flea experiment seems to tell a similar story.

I believe that to maximize my value, it’s crucial to grow and develop in an environment that truly acknowledges and appreciates it. From my experience, that’s not the case in Korean research labs and companies. Dreaming of an ideal organization where everyone wins, is happy, and engages in progressive conversations might be a fantasy, but still, isn’t it worth dreaming?

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I believe my love for learning is my greatest strength and asset. I’ve always found the world fascinating and enjoyable, spanning across economics, society, politics, philosophy, science, engineering, and art. Perhaps I was searching for answers to philosophical questions about the origins of the grand modern civilization that humanity has built. Among all these interests, I became particularly fascinated with the “human mind.” I first explored this through dissecting the brain, then by reading Freud’s “The Interpretation of Dreams,” and later by participating in the Brain Science Olympiad to satisfy my curiosity about related knowledge and find answers to questions about the principles of the mind. However, after repeatedly encountering the limitations of scientific explanations of the mind, my interest naturally expanded to include physics, mathematics, and philosophy. I became captivated by complex systems and their astounding informational properties.

Even now, as I work in robotics and artificial intelligence, I often find myself pondering how a mass of cells can understand space and time, feel emotions, and experience memories and hallucinations. Reflecting on this, I realize that answering such questions is essential for me to live comfortably. The fact that merely asking these questions makes life more enjoyable and enriching amazes me about myself.

However, this field requires more than just my major in mathematics; it demands diverse knowledge from other areas. Moreover, since these questions are more philosophical than scientific, I feel that the observational results and understanding of phenomena and people needed to formulate a mathematical theory are lacking. This might explain why I’ve recently shown a particular interest in the arts.

Despite all this, I feel compelled to live a life doing what I want. Perhaps my exploration of the human mind could be realized through research or even as an artistic creation. I’m convinced that only those who share similar interests and dreams will truly understand my worth. Let’s find a place where such people gather!